Behind Blue Eyes
by xDestielx
Summary: High school AU. 17 years old Dean is new in town and introduced to Castiel. Dean is completely lost in the boy and confused. He likes girls, not guys. He can't accept himself, and Castiel don't look at him twice. He needs help. Fast. M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N  
Hello! Thanks for bothering reading my story :) I really suck at summaries, but yeah, fuck it. Excuse any grammar fails or something. I'm Norwegian _  
Anyway, I'll try upload a chapter a week or something, but I don't know. Again, thanks for reading. Reviews are appreciated :D**

**Chapter 1**

"Why did we have to move?" Dean moaned when he climbed out of the car to examine the old house. It was a two storied house. Bright blue.  
Mary, his mother, came over to him and squeezed his shoulder. "Oh, you'll like it, dear." It didn't answer his question, but he sighed and helped the others with some boxes.

Two hours later all the boxes were inside the house, and placed in the rooms they belonged. Sam started pulling his stuff out of the boxes, placing the things carefully where he wanted it, but Dean had just emptied the box in the middle of his room, and then just placed things everywhere.  
Sam and Dean were very different, yet they had a better relationship than other brothers. They looked out for each other. They almost never fought, and Dean helped Sam out of trouble.

Dean couldn't stop thinking of the new high school. He was sure he was going to hate it. He'd always hated school. It simply wasn't his thing, but he had no other choice but to get through.

After unpacking he heard his mother call on them for dinner. "Coming mom!" he shouted back, but instead of walking down he let himself fall down on his bed. He sighed and closed his eyes, and soon he was asleep.

Dean woke up at 5:43 the next morning, still on the bed. The only change in his room was that the lights had been turned off, and the door was shut.  
Dean sighed as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He stood up and grabbed some clean clothes from one of the boxes and went to the bathroom.  
Even in there he had to browse through some boxes to find a towel and shampoo.

Dean showered until his mother knocked on the door. "Dean! The bus leaves in 30 minutes." She notified him. "And I want to use the bathroom too." He head Sam add.  
"Yeah, yeah." Dean answered and turned the water off.

He dried off and pulled on a pair of boxers, but before unlocking the door he spent a minute just looking at himself in the mirror. He had short spiky brown hair and green eyes, and his body was slim and not too muscular, but he'd never really liked himself. He'd heard plenty of times how handsome and cute he was, but never really believed them. Dean didn't hate himself, but he neither liked him. He sighed and unlocked the door for his nagging brother.

Dean pulled on his pants and a t-shirt and went downstairs to get breakfast. "Morning son." John greeted him when he came into the kitchen. "Slept well?"  
"Yeah." Dean muttered as he grabbed a bowl and a box of cereal. He poured some in his bowl and grabbed the milk his father handed him.  
"Looking forward to school today?" John asked and buttered his toast. Dean pouted. "You think?" John laughed. "No, I doubt it."

After 10 minutes Sam and Mary joined them, but Dean had finished his cereal, and put the bowl in the dishwasher before walking back up to his room to find socks. He pulled on a blue flannel shirt and left it open. Then he tied his black converses and went back into the bathroom to fix up his hair.

5 minutes later he had to run to the bus stop.

He and Sam arrived the school after about 20 minutes, and they both stopped for a second to just look at it. It was nice enough; Dean decided to himself and walked inside.  
He and Sam parted in the hallway. Sam headed for the reception while Dean headed for the classrooms. His first class was English.  
Dean smirked at several of the girls he walked by, like always, and they blushed as they walked past him. Girls were something Dean always had been interested in, and they always seemed interested in him too, yet he wasn't that long-time relationship kind of type. He was more of the one-night-stand kind of type. Neither of the parts seemed to mind a one night stand.

Dean finally found the right classroom, and headed inside. The rest of the class was already in their places. The teacher, an old gray haired man, smiled at him as he entered the room. Dean just smiled quickly back. "Ah, you must be Dean Winchester." He said. "Welcome to Lawrence High School! I'm Professor Novak."  
Dean just nodded and looked at the class. They made him feel very welcome. In a sarcastic way. This was going to be so much fun.  
"You can take the desk by Gabriel." The professor continued and pointed at a brown haired guy with hazel eyes in the middle of the classroom. Dean nodded and walked over to the guy and sat down on the free chair.  
"Hi, I'm Dean." Dean said to the guy and smiled.  
"Gabriel." He smiled back and reached him his hand. "Nice to meet you." Gabriel had playful eyes and curls in his neck which reminded Dean very much of Sam.  
"Quiet now!" Professor Novak warned, and started class.

Dean felt happy when he walked through the front door in the house after school. He and Gabriel had become friends already, and it seemed like they had lots in common. He had an older brother, Michael, and they both liked the same kind of music and girls. They also had plenty of common classes.  
They had planned to meet the next day at Gabriel's place, just a few blocks down the street. Dean honestly couldn't wait.

"How was school? You seem happier than you should." Mary stated with a smile when Dean entered the kitchen. Dean smiled back at her. "School sucked as usual, but I actually got a friend, believe it or not."  
"That's great! Who is it? What's his name? Who's the parents?" typical Mary. Typical mothers. They always wanted to know everything.  
"His name is Gabriel. Year older. He lives with his brother and father not far from here. I'm going there tomorrow after school." Dean said. "Any dinner?"  
Mary shook his head. "Just find something to eat. But that's great, Dean!" Dean just nodded and grabbed a bowl and some cereal. Just then Sam came back home as well. He didn't seem too happy. "What's wrong, Sammy?" Dean asked and tilted his head a little.  
Sam rolled his eyes. "I have nicknames already." He said annoyed and threw his bag down before grabbing a bowl as well.  
"I'm sorry Sam." Dean patted his back. "I'll talk to them tomorrow."  
"No!" Sam said loud. "Only cowards ask their brother for help." Sam looked down in the empty bowl and lowered his voice. "I don't want to be a coward."  
Dean nodded. "Understand, but then you'll have to give 'em in, you know. Punch them in the face!"  
Mary turned at Dean with a strict expression on her face. "No fighting, Sam, Dean. You know what happened last time Dean."  
Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, sure mom." Last time Dean had gotten into a fight with some douches in his other school and ended up in hospital with a few broken ribs and several nasty bruises in his face and rest of his body. He was laid up for three weeks and had to take it easy for even another month.

Dean was unpacking in his room the rest of the day trying to make the time fly. It was an unsuccessful attempt. The day passed so slow, that when he was done unpacking he made some toast and went to bed.

Dean jumped when his alarm went off the next day. He didn't want to get up. The bed was so comfortable and warm, and the room was cold. He sighed heavily and got out of bed, rushing to the bathroom to have a shower before Sam.

An hour later he sat in History with Gabriel, bored to death. The teacher, a woman with blonde hair and a tight skirt and red lipstick was babbling on about the French revolution. Dean had no idea why he had to learn all this. He was gonna be a mechanic after all. If there was something that interested him it was cars and how they worked. He especially loved his black '67 Chevy impala his parents gave him for his 16th birthday. The car was pretty much everything that was on his mind that day and of course the trip to Gabriel.

At the end of the day Dean had more homework than he'd ever had all his life. His bag was heavy on his shoulder when he walked down the street towards his friend's house.  
"Hey, just to warn you so you won't freak out;" Gabriel started sending Dean a playful smirk. The guy was at least half a head shorter than Dean. "My name is actually Gabriel Novak."  
Dean frowned in confusion. "And..?"  
Gabriel punched his arm with a chuckle. "And our English teacher is named Thomas Novak. He's my father." Dean shook his head. "Man, how do you survive? I mean, no offense, but that guy's just so.." he had to think a few seconds for an adjective that wouldn't offend Gabriel. "Strict!"  
Gabriel laughed again. "Strict is just an understatement. He's not just strict; he's religious too, like my mother was. We're all named after angels." The shorter man said as he opened to door to the house. They were finally there. The hallway was short and there was a living room to the left, kitchen to the right and stairs forward. An older boy came jumping down the stairs. He had bright brown hair and green eyes. "Dean, meet Michael. My big bro." Dean frowned over the way Gabriel's voice turned colder as he spoke about his brother, like there were some tension between them.  
Michael nodded at Dean, not even smiling. "Hello." He muttered and pushed past Gabriel. "Move, idiot. I'm trying to get through." Then he disappeared out the front door.  
Dean huffed. "Seems nice." His voice was so sarcastic the sarcasm almost ran out of his mouth. Gabriel nodded. "You have no idea."  
Dean turned his gaze at the living room and saw another boy sit in a chair in the corner with his nose buried in a book. Gabriel noticed Dean saw him. "Oh, that's my younger brother, Castiel. You and him are on the same age, I think." Then he lowered his voice. "He's quite fucked up. Anxious and stuff. Home schooled."  
The moment Castiel heard his name he looked up, and Dean caught his eyes. It was the bluest eyes Dean had ever seen. The boy's hair was black and messy, but it looked good on him. They stared at each other for another few seconds before Dean saw the fear in Castiel's eyes as he looked away and back down in the book. "Hello." Dean said to the guy. He had no idea what made him do it, or what made him stare at the boy for so long.  
Castiel looked up at Dean again. "Hi." Was the weak reply. The voice. That damn voice. Even though it was just a whisper, it was a voice Dean would never ever forget. It was not very deep, but manly. Then he looked away again. Dean felt Gabriel elbow his arm. "Come on. He's a waste of time." Dean wanted to shout 'no', but decided not to. The feeling in his stomach made him unsure, but one thing was sure; he was completely lost in the blue eyed boy.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N THANKS FOR READING!**

When Dean lay in bed that night his mind was revolving around the happenings of the day. After Dean saw Castiel he couldn't stop looking at him. He felt like a moth where Castiel was the flame. He was pulled into those eyes. Those scared, but beautiful eyes.

The butterflies in Dean's stomach made him sick, and he was shaking. Of course Dean had been in love before, and it felt just like this, except this time is was different. Very different. He remembered having a crush on this girl, Lisa, a couple of years back, and they actually got together after a while. They were together for a few months. Dean had the exact same feeling now like the last time, but he liked girls. He was straight. He had always been, and always would be. Or..?

To Dean's horror he felt a tear run down his temple. It wasn't long before he sat in his bed with his knees pulled in against his chest and sobbing down into the sheet. It had been long since the last time Dean had cried, and it definitely weren't as bad as this time.

Gabriel had told him Castiel suffered from a serious form for social anxiety and were home schooled. He was also very shy, and had never had any friends cause he had been bullied for several years in school, and refused to return. Ever. Gabriel had been surprised Castiel had said anything at all to Dean. Normally he was quiet and didn't even look up. For some reason this made Dean even more curious about the guy, which now made him more miserable and confused.

It didn't take long before there was a knock on the door and Mary walked in Dean looked up but quickly hid his face again. "Honey, are you all right?" she asked as she closed the door and went over to the bed and sat down, pulling Dean into her arms. For some reason this made Dean sob even more. Mary patted his back and whispered sweet motherly words to him.

When Dean had finally calmed down, and were only sniffling a little, Mary pulled back to look at her oldest son. "What's wrong, sweetie? Did something happen at Gabriel's?" she asked, her brows furrowed in a worried frown. Dean didn't answer the question. "I- I think I'm in love." He muttered, not looking at his mother. From the corner of his eye, Dean saw Mary tilt her head with a comforting smile. "Honey, there's nothing wrong with being in love." She said and stroke his cheek.  
Dean nodded. He was really considering telling her. "This time it is." He muttered.  
The worried frown returned to his mother's face again. "How come?"  
Dean took a deep breath and stared down into the sheets. "B-because he's a guy." Then he broke into sobs again, letting his head fall down on the sheet over his knees which still was pulled up against his chest. He heard Mary sigh and her arms around him again and kissed his temple. "Listen to me now, okay? There's nothing wrong about being in love with a guy, Dean. Love is a strange thing. You'll never know how it works, or why. It just happens. All I want you to be is happy, whether it is with a man or a woman, okay? I still love you just as much as I always have, and I always will."

Dean sobbed for a few more minutes before he finally looked up, his eyes red. Slowly he turned to look at his mother. "Please don't tell dad, okay? Please." He begged. The despair was reflected in his eyes. If John found out he was dead. John didn't have much respect for gay or bisexual people.  
Mary smiled warmly at her son. "Of course not. It'll be between the two of us for as long as you want."  
Dean smiled weakly back. "Thank you, mom."  
"No need to thank me, dear." She hugged him one more time before she stood up and walked to the door. She turned when she had opened it. "Get some sleep now. I love you."  
Dean nodded. "Love you too." Mary smiled at him when she closed the door behind her.

When Dean laid his head back down on the pillow he felt a little better, but even though Mary had accepted him, whatever he was, Dean couldn't. He wasn't able to accept himself, whether he was gay or bisexual. Instead of desperation and confusion, he now felt rage. He was angry with himself. Still he didn't know what to do about it. He was clearly in love with Castiel, there was no doubt, but he didn't want to be in love with him. Dean was a little like his father; not much respect for gay people. Faggots. He was wrong. He was not normal. He liked girls. He liked boys. It was wrong. Completely wrong. Guys were supposed to be with girls, and girls were supposed to be with guys. No exceptions. Not even himself.

That was probably the point Dean started hating himself. He had disliked himself for a very long time, but not as much as he did now. He couldn't believe what he'd turned into. It was Castiel's fault, but for some reason Dean still wanted to get his attention.  
In a quick move he sat up again and grabbed his phone and dialed the number to one of his best friends from the other school; Lucifer. It rang several times before he answered. "Hello?" said Lucifer's sleepy voice.  
"Hey Lucifer." Dean said, trying to sound normal.  
"What the hell, Dean? It's almost 1! I was actually sleeping." Lucifer now sounded both annoyed and sleepy. Dean felt a little bad for not checking the time before calling. It was school tomorrow (well, technically later).  
"I-" Dean hesitated. "I need to tell you something." He could almost hear Lucifer frown. "Yeah? You couldn't have waited until tomorrow?"  
"Sorry, but it's important." Dean muttered. When he got the permission from his friend to go on, he dropped the bomb. "I- I think I might be bisexual." Dean would be surprised if Lucifer heard him.  
There was a silence on the other end, and Dean really started considering whether Lucifer had heard him or not.  
"What the fuck?" was the hiss of a reply after a while. "So chicks aren't enough, or what?"  
Dean swallowed. "Do you think I like it?" he hissed back.  
"No, and you shouldn't! It's so wrong! It's against every natural rule, Dean."  
This argument was exactly what Dean had expected. Lucifer wasn't much of a gay-friendly person either.  
"Thanks, I know!"  
"Then you better get yourself fucking straight, or you can stay the hell away from me, faggot." That comment hit Dean like a bus. Despite everything, Dean had _never_ expected that. He was silent for a few seconds before he clenched his fist and hit it in the mattress.  
"Thanks, I will. And in the meantime you can go fuck yourself!" Dean yelled and hung up before throwing the phone in the wall across the room.  
Luckily there came no sound from the room behind the wall the phone hit, which was Sam's.  
"Dammit." Dean muttered and rested his head in his hands. He felt the despair and frustration reappear as he realized he'd just lost one of his closest friends since elementary school. Then he broke into silent sobs again, and for the first time in years he cried himself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N  
I'm so so so so sorry for delaying this chapter so much! It's been a lot of things happening lately, and I'm personally spending my days in a psychiatric ward thingy, so it's been busy. I'm out for a holiday, but will be back at the end on the month. Sorry about that. I'll post as much as I can, and write as much as I can, okay?**

**Anyway, here's the new chapter. Short, I know, but that's only so you know I haven't abandoned this fic or you readers!**

School the next day was a complete disaster. Dean kept to himself all day, not wanting to talk to anyone. Gabriel kept asking him over and over what was wrong, but for nothing. Dean kept replying he was fine and just tired. Despite that they had only known each other for a few days, Gabriel was the kind of person who saw straight through lies, something Dean found quite annoying at the moment.

Finally, after two classes Gabriel gave up and went over to hang with some of his own friends, Balthazar, Raphael and Uriel. The funny thing was that since they all had angel names, they were called the Angels.

Even during lunch, Dean sat alone, but he was happy with it. He didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment. He just sat there, staring down at his food wondering why this had to happen to him. Why did they have to move? Why did he have to meet Gabriel? Why did they go to Gabriel's place, and last, why did he fall in love with Castiel? How was it possible to fall in love with a person that fast?  
"Son of a bitch!" he hissed to himself in surprise as he realized he'd squeezed the carton of milk a little too much, and it was now floating everywhere after a typical explosion. He quickly looked around him to notice several people were looking at him, some even giggling.  
Suddenly he felt things were too much, and with a hard look at the people around him, he rose from his chair and staggered out of the canteen before heading for the front door.

Luckily for him, he missed the bus and had to drive to school today, so he headed straight to his beloved Impala. He couldn't help that tiny, but sad smile that spread on his lips as he opened the driver's door and got in.

"I can always count on you, baby." He murmured as he started the engine and heard the sound of that beautiful roar.

Without any specific goal, Dean drove off, hoping to escape for a little while. Ho his annoyance, Gabriel called. Of course he had to give him his number…

"What?" Dean answered a little harsher that he meant.  
"Dude, what the fuck? You've just started in this school, and you're already skipping?"  
Dean sighed. "And?"  
"And-" Gabriel lowered his voice. "and the teachers will be seriously pissed."  
"And?"  
There was a short silence on the other end of the phone, making Dean wonder if he'd hung up.  
"Dean, please listen. You've been completely different since the day I took you to my place. What is going on?" Gabriel's voice was low and calmer, and it made Dean nervous, still all he could do was shake his head even though the guy on the phone couldn't see it.

"Nothing." He assured his friend. "Nothing. It's just- No, never mind."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

Dean heard Gabriel sigh after a few seconds. "Gabe, I'm sorry, I didn't-" there came a sound from the other side of the line, telling Dean Gabriel hung up.

"Dammit!" Dean swore as he threw the phone in the passenger seat. Right then the road stopped in front of a small lake. Dean sighed and turned off the engine before he stepped out of the car and walked to the front of the car and leaned against it.  
The view was pretty. The lake was perfectly still, like a mirror, and there were trees surrounding the water, and a tiny beach.  
His mind started flying. It flew back to the Novak's house. To those blue eyes he'd seen. To Castiel; the poor guy with serious social problems. How beautiful he was. How Dean would like to taste those lips.  
"No!" Dean said loud to himself and shook his head, hitting his palm against his forehead a couple of times. "No, no, no!" He felt himself start shaking in confusion and emerged back into his car, shutting the door and turning the music on. The car was filled with AC/DC in a second, but he still couldn't get those blue eyes out of his head, no matter what he did.

It was 7 in the evening before Dean returned home. Sam wasn't home yet, but John and Mary were watching TV. They both greeted him as he passed them, but Dean didn't even look at them.  
"Son? All okay?" John asked worried.  
"Honey?" Mary's voice was just as worried. Dean didn't turn around. He just walked straight up to his room, shut the door, and let himself fall down on the bed.  
A couple of minutes later there was a knock on the door, but when Dean didn't answer, whoever it was went away.


End file.
